So, Frank's all like I'm going to Asia for three months, living out of a tiny backpack, sleeping on floors, etc. Other friends have been to Europe, biked to Maine, toured this country in an old van playing shows to six people and loving it. I can be a jealous dude in one situation: experiences.
I'm talking to Sara and I just blurt out, "I'm going to drive to Portland, Oregon after I graduate (after the May 7th In The Face of War Final Show/Away With Vega Reunion, of course)." Apparently, she wants to go, too, which is sweet.
Here's the vision: Three to four weeks, Indiana to San Francisco to Portland back to Indiana, one car, sleeping at friends/friends' friends house, some camping, some car sleeping, lots of disc golf, good food, major bookstores, cool hiking, money spent mainly on gas.
I'm wanting to do this, because eventually I'd like to go overseas, but I really don't think I'm ready. I've hardly seen this country my own way, meaning no RVs or $25 meals like with Sara's family and no hotels and relative visits like with my parents. My goal is to focus on the trip, the sights, the sounds, the experiences I value. Adding Sara in the mix will help me from getting lonely and give me someone to bounce ideas off while on the road.
So, I'm looking for suggestions/help/etc.:
- Suggestions on booyeah bookstores between Muncie, IN and Portland, OR/San Francisco, CA?
- Suggestions on must-play disc golf courses between Muncie, IN and Portland, OR/San Francisco, CA?
- Suggestions on awesome food places between Muncie, IN and Portland, OR/San Francisco, CA?
- Suggestions on sweet hiking/nature stuff between Muncie, IN and Portland, OR/San Francisco, CA?
- Ideas about cheap/free places to stay between Muncie and Portland/San Francisco?
- Ideas about how to turn a car into a sleepable place?
- Any other ideas or suggestions?
Don't worry I'll ask again and again. I do that.
Really, this is something sweet that I've never had the time/energy/money to do, so I'm super stoked. Any help is greatly appreciated.
Showing posts with label super trip. Show all posts
Showing posts with label super trip. Show all posts
Monday, January 10, 2011
Monday, August 9, 2010
I wrote my own answers to Laffy Taffy Jokes.
Sara bought this big bag of Laffy Taffy, each little sugar rectangle with its own TWO jokes. Awful probably. I stopped reading the answers. Here is what I think instead:
How do billboards talk?
With their money, it’s all about the BENJAMINS BABY!
What kind of chain is edible?
Nerd ropes rulez.
When does it rain money?
When everyone is hovering in those space cars like in the movies and the bank is transporting the bills to pay off the national debt and boom a terrorist blows it up and it makes it rain. So the future, my answer is the future.
What did the judge say to the racket?
SHUT UP IDIOT!
What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?
Those dumb Billy-bob or Fiddly-Jim or whatever teeth from the Dollar tree which could obviously be offensive to certain types of people, who likely shop at Dollar Tree, the poor and the uneducated, but we don’t think of that because we are worried about getting syphilis or (not) killing babies. Hu-uck.
What is an owl’s favorite subject?
Anatomy.
In what month do people talk the least?
The answer on the Laffy Taffy is “February because it’s the shortest month of the year!” Oh god that is dumb.
What did the little boy tell the game warden?
Help me! Help me! I accidently shot my dad in the head and he is bleeding all over the rain-proof hunting (Mossy-oak, not Real-tree) jacket mom gave up smoking cigarettes for a month to buy him for Christmas. I am young and shouldn’t be carrying a gun but dad said don’t be a pussy, so when he was coming back from peeing, I thought he was a deer, a big fat deer, and thought man I’m gonna show dad who the pussy is when I have a huge ass deer and he doesn’t. but it was him and he was going ohhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh, so I ran and found you Mr. Game Warden. Thankz.
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
DUMMY DUM DUM.
Why didn’t the duck cross the grill?
Because it was afraid of Paul Wall’s face.
What does a chicken and a band have in common?
They both shred sometimes, as long as it’s a sweet dope metal band and the chicken is going in an enchilada, yum yum.
Where does an alien get its milk?
Space Cows!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Which candy can’t get anywhere on time?
John Candy because he’s dead.
What is the definition of a farmer?
farmer |ˈfärmər|
noun
1 a person who owns or manages a farm.
2 [with adj. ] historical a person to whom the collection of taxes was contracted for a fee.
ORIGIN late Middle English : from Old French fermier, from medieval Latin firmarius, from firma (see farm ). Sense 1 originally denoted a bailiff or steward who farmed land on the owner's behalf, or a tenant farmer.
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Cold because I’m in the mountains and these streams are freezin’ dude and woah do they barrel down that mountain like a bullet a frozen cold bullet.
What do you call a happy cherry?
I ate a bag of cherries this week. They didn’t seem sad or anything, so I’ll go with “the ones in my belly.”
Why did the old woman tie skates on the rocking chair?
Because she was tired of all the kids leaving burning bags of crap on her porch and she would just say “I’m gonna get you!” but really just rock in place. Now, she uses an old broom as a paddle of sorts and vroom runs those kids down and maces them. Her daughter bought her a can of mace for Christmas after that thug Bobby Dulaine stole her purse at Kmart.
What do you get when you send a cow to Alaska?
A pissed off cow.
What kind of key doesn’t open a lock?
A skeleton key because man those are so old like in scary creepy wicked houses and we are in 2010 people, so ain’t no way we using a skeleton key. Our keys are made of holographics or something cool and new age/cool age, know what I’m saying. Sometimes, we just say, voila and woah the lock becomes un-ed. But man those skeleton keys are old like dead bones.
How do mules open locked barns?
By kicking them down. Them mules so mad about being half donkey and half horse. All the kids make fun of them and they had it. The barn is a place to go. Let’em in.
What did one autumn leaf say to another?
DANG DUDE YOU ABOUT TO DIE!
Why was the student’s report card wet?
Because the kid’s dog peed on his homework. Duh.
Why was the tomato blushing?
It wasn’t. Stop with all the personification, lame-o.
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Big melons=big life=big weddings=big eyes=big woooooo
How did the frog cross the road?
Some old golfer dude was frog gigging, stabbed the frog in question, and walked to the other side of the road, with said frog in his frog gigging pouch, because he parked there, his Oldsmobile.
There were two cool ones on the wrappers that I HAHAHAHA'ed at:
What is green and hits trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Why did the mouse run away from home?
He found out his father was a rat.
How do billboards talk?
With their money, it’s all about the BENJAMINS BABY!
What kind of chain is edible?
Nerd ropes rulez.
When does it rain money?
When everyone is hovering in those space cars like in the movies and the bank is transporting the bills to pay off the national debt and boom a terrorist blows it up and it makes it rain. So the future, my answer is the future.
What did the judge say to the racket?
SHUT UP IDIOT!
What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?
Those dumb Billy-bob or Fiddly-Jim or whatever teeth from the Dollar tree which could obviously be offensive to certain types of people, who likely shop at Dollar Tree, the poor and the uneducated, but we don’t think of that because we are worried about getting syphilis or (not) killing babies. Hu-uck.
What is an owl’s favorite subject?
Anatomy.
In what month do people talk the least?
The answer on the Laffy Taffy is “February because it’s the shortest month of the year!” Oh god that is dumb.
What did the little boy tell the game warden?
Help me! Help me! I accidently shot my dad in the head and he is bleeding all over the rain-proof hunting (Mossy-oak, not Real-tree) jacket mom gave up smoking cigarettes for a month to buy him for Christmas. I am young and shouldn’t be carrying a gun but dad said don’t be a pussy, so when he was coming back from peeing, I thought he was a deer, a big fat deer, and thought man I’m gonna show dad who the pussy is when I have a huge ass deer and he doesn’t. but it was him and he was going ohhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh, so I ran and found you Mr. Game Warden. Thankz.
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
DUMMY DUM DUM.
Why didn’t the duck cross the grill?
Because it was afraid of Paul Wall’s face.
What does a chicken and a band have in common?
They both shred sometimes, as long as it’s a sweet dope metal band and the chicken is going in an enchilada, yum yum.
Where does an alien get its milk?
Space Cows!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Which candy can’t get anywhere on time?
John Candy because he’s dead.
What is the definition of a farmer?
farmer |ˈfärmər|
noun
1 a person who owns or manages a farm.
2 [with adj. ] historical a person to whom the collection of taxes was contracted for a fee.
ORIGIN late Middle English : from Old French fermier, from medieval Latin firmarius, from firma (see farm ). Sense 1 originally denoted a bailiff or steward who farmed land on the owner's behalf, or a tenant farmer.
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Cold because I’m in the mountains and these streams are freezin’ dude and woah do they barrel down that mountain like a bullet a frozen cold bullet.
What do you call a happy cherry?
I ate a bag of cherries this week. They didn’t seem sad or anything, so I’ll go with “the ones in my belly.”
Why did the old woman tie skates on the rocking chair?
Because she was tired of all the kids leaving burning bags of crap on her porch and she would just say “I’m gonna get you!” but really just rock in place. Now, she uses an old broom as a paddle of sorts and vroom runs those kids down and maces them. Her daughter bought her a can of mace for Christmas after that thug Bobby Dulaine stole her purse at Kmart.
What do you get when you send a cow to Alaska?
A pissed off cow.
What kind of key doesn’t open a lock?
A skeleton key because man those are so old like in scary creepy wicked houses and we are in 2010 people, so ain’t no way we using a skeleton key. Our keys are made of holographics or something cool and new age/cool age, know what I’m saying. Sometimes, we just say, voila and woah the lock becomes un-ed. But man those skeleton keys are old like dead bones.
How do mules open locked barns?
By kicking them down. Them mules so mad about being half donkey and half horse. All the kids make fun of them and they had it. The barn is a place to go. Let’em in.
What did one autumn leaf say to another?
DANG DUDE YOU ABOUT TO DIE!
Why was the student’s report card wet?
Because the kid’s dog peed on his homework. Duh.
Why was the tomato blushing?
It wasn’t. Stop with all the personification, lame-o.
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Big melons=big life=big weddings=big eyes=big woooooo
How did the frog cross the road?
Some old golfer dude was frog gigging, stabbed the frog in question, and walked to the other side of the road, with said frog in his frog gigging pouch, because he parked there, his Oldsmobile.
There were two cool ones on the wrappers that I HAHAHAHA'ed at:
What is green and hits trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Why did the mouse run away from home?
He found out his father was a rat.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Things My Wife Says Hello To While We Hike In Utah*
Fat chipmunks
Squirrels who are creepily unafraid of humans
Asian tourists
Small German children
Tiny cactuses
Various breeds of Southwestern lizards
Me after I wander off to pee in some rocky corner
The deep canyons, her voice echoing just slightly
Water trickling from the cracks in a cliff
Nuthatches
Stellar Jays
Fat babies in strollers
Purple flowers
Blue flowers
White flowers
Yellow flowers
The sun after a short thunderstorm
*Sara has this incredibly cute and always laugh-inducing way of saying “hellllooo” in her tiny voice to random things as we go.
Squirrels who are creepily unafraid of humans
Asian tourists
Small German children
Tiny cactuses
Various breeds of Southwestern lizards
Me after I wander off to pee in some rocky corner
The deep canyons, her voice echoing just slightly
Water trickling from the cracks in a cliff
Nuthatches
Stellar Jays
Fat babies in strollers
Purple flowers
Blue flowers
White flowers
Yellow flowers
The sun after a short thunderstorm
*Sara has this incredibly cute and always laugh-inducing way of saying “hellllooo” in her tiny voice to random things as we go.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
This Is One Big Joke
The problem with this new family is they don’t get my jokes. My insides are hurting, holding in the chuck-chuck-chuckles I can’t give outloud to myself, and they stare at me like my name is Vlad. Conservative chicken farmers meet disgruntled poet. Okay. Like today, when everyone is hot and bothered by the heat, stressed out by new-Mom not letting anyone wander within 3 feet of the edge, I say, we all should just chill dudes, sticking my hands out like riding a surf board, hanging ten or whatever. They’re like, whatever Keanu. Okay. That’s not true. But really, I stole one from my dad, he is old and funny, saying smoke another one when someone coughs, Nothing, just looks that say, we don’t believe in cigarettes. Saying the dust is getting in her lungs, that’s not funny. What?! Later, I’m at the top of a big old rock, I see new-Mom sweating panic, I’m so close to the edge, so I throw my hands up, raising the roof, maybe shaking my booty a little. Just shouts of WATCH OUT and crooked eyebrows. Man, I think, Zach would be stoked, smiling his big wide smile. The worst part is they don’t even appreciate domestic violence jokes, like when Sara calls me a slow-poke or a wuss or dumbhead while climbing some jagged rocks and I say,shut up I’m going to rip your face off. Everyone checking my fists, new-sister cowering in a crevice. Jeremy would be saying, Whoa man. Watch yourself. Clark would get the joke. Come on people.
5 Pictures Like a Deer Squatting in the River
Sara gets all stoked for small cactuses.
I get all stoked for big rocks.
Woah, the rock walls climb like they are trying to find God.
I didn't know places really looked like this.
I'm about to Gobble up all that BBQ in Kansas City.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
BOOKS FOR THE TRIP
Confession: I'm a book over-packer! But these are the things I want to take on our upcoming two week CO/UT trip.
Tender Buttons by Gertrude Stein: The excerpts I've read from this hurt my head. Everything from Stein hurts my head, but still there is something about this that makes me want to lug it around the country. Maybe the title (AWWWWW) or the size (AWWWWW tiny).
Poet's Companion by eds. Laux and Addonizio: Givin' me some insight, prompts, craft readings, some school away from school.
Collected Poems by Marianne Moore: I read two essays about Moore recently by Randall Jarrell. He says do this. I trust him!
Ashes For Breakfast by Durs Grunbein: This was a long shot. I wanted some translation flavor on this trip. Come on, I'm gonna be deep in America. East Germany poetry, here I come!
MC Oroville's Answering Machine by Mike Young: Been holding onto this one. Mike Young is an intriguing intriguing contemporary writer.
45 Mercy Street by Anne Sexton: Another Goodwill sweet deal. Excited to learn me something about a writer I've known about, but haven't been able to delve into much.
A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again by DFW: MOST EXCITING! It's been so long since I've read a book of prose. Gonna be sweeeeeet. Shooting for 30 pages a day in this.
First Course In Turbulence by Dean Young: Continuing the Dean Young kick.
The Duino Elegies by Rilke: I need more lyrical stuff in my life. I know this.
A New Path to the Waterfall by Carver: He can write stories, but poems?
Collected Essays by WC Williams: I love hearing my favorite writers talk about their favorite writers.
Life is good with books. Thank you.
Monday, July 26, 2010
3 Cool Salamanders on a rock
1. Kim Chinquee is a cool cool writer. She edits Elimae, writes touching little stories, and answers questions at The Collagist blog (again).
2. Bye Indiana come Friday. Hello, RV. Hello, Open Road. Hello, Colorado and Utah. Hello, non-Indiana disc golf. Hello, Tattered Cover Book Store. Hello, family time. Hello, hot outdoors. Hello, reading time. I'm diving into some books (blog post to come?). See you mid-August real world.
3. NO AGE IN BLOOMINGTON WITH OSTEOFEROCIOUS 10 DAYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY!
2. Bye Indiana come Friday. Hello, RV. Hello, Open Road. Hello, Colorado and Utah. Hello, non-Indiana disc golf. Hello, Tattered Cover Book Store. Hello, family time. Hello, hot outdoors. Hello, reading time. I'm diving into some books (blog post to come?). See you mid-August real world.
3. NO AGE IN BLOOMINGTON WITH OSTEOFEROCIOUS 10 DAYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY!
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