Thursday, May 7, 2009

My way or...

At the request of my future father-in-law, I sat down the other afternoon to begin reading "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," a book he assured me would be worth my time as it would provide critical insight into Sara's behavior. I read two sentences, and fell asleep. Upon my awakening, I began thumbing through, stopping at parts such as "the man cave." This new knowledge didn't not seem authentic, or about Sara at all. Rather, I felt like some guy was telling me about what he wanted and his experiences with other women.

I'm not convinced that a selves-help book can accomplish my goals. I would rather lay in bed, listen to Ludacris, and hold Sara as tightly as I can around the waist.

I am not convinced that I can learn about Sara, myself, or our relationship, without exploring Sara, myself, and our relationship. The logical way for me to become more understanding of Sara would be to talk to Sara, listen to Sara, and explore Sara. Similarly, I need to continue to develop my understanding of myself and our relationship by being active and alive.

Sara and I are undergoing premarriage counseling. Two Mondays ago, we had our first session. As expected, it was a cheesefest, but I totally loved it. Basically, we discuss our relationship in terms of various topics, like sex or finances, with her pastor, then we read a book together and do a workbook separately for more thought-provoking means of discussion. I feel this to be very rewarding. 

I feel I am expected to be reading these marriage books, and crying over shows like Jon and Kate Plus 8, and listening to love songs until my heart bursts on May 23rd. But, I can't, or rather I won't. I will indulge in Sara, to learn about her. I will delve deeper into myself, to find me. I want to get married to continue to find new things out about us, her, and me. 

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