Sunday, October 25, 2009

Spoiled Alert!

Whooped out from an exciting weekend in St. Louis, Sara, Darrin, and I watched a movie called Feast. An hour and a half later, we were a little stunned, pretty grossed out, and certainly crying with laughter.

Essentially, a hodgepodge of characters--from a horny tavern owner to a prostitute to a motivational speaker played by Henry Rollins--becomes trapped in a tavern when a family of aliens decides to eat (and sexually defile) everyone.

A List of Things You Can Witness By Watching Feast
- Aforementioned tavern owner and prostitute have sex while the hooker's son listens to his headphones in the other room.
- A "hero" barges in to save the day before getting his head bitten off within minutes after proclaiming to be "The Guy Thats Gonna Save Your Ass."
- A woman's leg is cut off, somehow.
- A man's face is ripped off.
- A small alien has sex with a taxidermic deer head before being shot to death.
- Henry Rollins wears pink sweatpants.
- One alien swallows the dead, deer-humping alien, then the two "parent" aliens have sex, before have twin baby aliens within a minute.
- A "Beer Guy" played by Judah Friedlander gets puked on by aliens, his eye ripped out, beat up by a girl, and his head smashed between the mits of an alien.
- The prostitute's son is eaten by a monster!
- A woman, who almost sleeps with a married, pre-pink sweatpants Rollins, gets bloodied on...twice.
- A monster's penis and balls are caught in a door, chopped off, then stepped on.
- The lady with the cut-off leg, supposedly dead, is used as a distraction meal, so the others can escape. She wakes up as she is being set out to die to the wonderful last act of being orally raped by one of the aliens.
- Three escape, including the boy in the wheelchair, but not before having some car trouble.
- End credits featuring Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and Wes Craven as "executive producers.

This movie was entertaining, like shock rock.

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